Aries: You will get a huge promotion and win 30 dollars in the raffle. Haha, I'm just messing! You're going to step in dog poop.
Taurus: Your boss will ask you to throw a dance party in underpants and then eat a gallon of ice cream and a bowl of skittles. Don't you love being self employed!
Gemini: You will realize you never followed your passion for art and will head to the art gallery. Two hours later you will conclude that art is boring.
Cancer: You will win the lottery. Fraud will be suspected when 450 million people win the lottery.
Leo:
Today is going to be the most boring day of your life.
Virgo:
You'll feel pure terror like never before. Sesame street is getting dark this season.
Libra:
Libras, as you know you are horrible shells of human beings. I'd like to predict you'll acquire a soul, but I don't want to get my hopes up.
Scorpio:
You will gain the ability to speak to cats. It will take six hours of hard work and practice. Cancel your plans.
Sagittarius: Today you'll discover that dog food is actually delicious. Seriously, have you tried that stuff, it tastes amazing!
Capricorn: You will decide today is no pants day. It won't go as well as you had hoped.
Aquarius: You will cook an amazing meal and then post photos of it on instagram and feel very lonely.: :
Pisces: You'll discover the easter bunny isn't real...by reading this horoscope. Sorry about that.
No comments:
Post a Comment